I blame
perpetual motion
for this catastrophe
and my poor
luck

I don't think looks
are to blame

Or intelligence

Definitely not commonality

And love surely
isn't
to blame --
she will never
love you
the way that
I do.

Fear
is a possibility.
We are all afraid
of someone
seeing
what we hide.

Distance is maybe
a culprit
too.

Perseveration, though
seems to me
the likely
criminal
behind it all.

I can't pretend to know what's
Best
for anyone
ever
not even myself.
The only thing people can ever
know
is just their feelings
which are to each
her own.

Hung myself on
a limb
that cracked
snapped
and broke
and after everything's been
said
and done
I have to admit
I know
nothing
about love
anymore
only that it comes in many
forms
each one
deadlier
than the last.

Jump

I can't help but wonder
were the last
two and a half years a
mistake?
How am I
supposed
to feel
when you don't
seem
bothered
at all?
When you mention his name
and I
shrug
I wonder
am I being too
obvious?
Did I just ruin
a relationship
for an
uncertainty?
Will it end up being
a risk
worth taking?
Soon I will know because
already
I jumped.
Either he will catch me
or I'll have to
down
a Redbull.

Insanity's Return

Fell off the creative ledge
my edge
is lost
in the calm waters
so shallow
of sanity
and I
scream
for insanity's
return.

Reality

losing touch with
reality
means it feels like I
died
back in May
and am merely a
wandering soul
drifting through
some level of
hell

Leaf

A light green
leaf
with curled
edges
and a dried-out
appearance
drifts down
from a tree
and makes a soft
scraping
noise when it hits
the cement
under my
feet
and I think
isn't that just like
life?

Crazy

Nine days of
three hours
max
of sleep
a night
and my body floats
and disappears
into the atmosphere
like a ghost
my name being
whispered
around every corner
by a dark, breathy voice
of a man
and techno music
plays
in my head on
loop
dogs that don't
exist
dart in my
peripherals
and I know that I
have gone
crazy

Time

this moment
eclipsed
where I thought
with a
manic kiss
of running
running far
away
from everything
and everyone
I just can't
stay
like this
forever
this
is a dangerous
place
to be
with bullets for
thoughts
and daggers for
memories
I just need some
time
to get things
together
but time never stops
until you're ready
for it's
tumbling

Give Up

I'd give up
everything
if I only knew
someplace to go
someone
to be
I'd give up everything
to be someone
else
for a while
to live a
different life
than the one
that throws me
against the
wall
I'd give up everything
to start over
again
to escape all this
madness
and pain
I'd give up
everything
every
thing

Screw Up

Screwing up
my life
and screwing up
in school
screwing up
everything
just like a
fucking
screw up

Forgetting Potion

Drink to
forget
all that you've
forgotten
since you've been on
lithium
the list goes
on
and
on
but is it really
lithium?
or is it
being manic?
either seem culprits
here
when it comes
to memory
problems

forget to go
to class
forget to go
to therapy
forget forget forget
you've got assignments
to complete
forget all that
just draw
just take up that pen
and sketch
tip that bottle
up
and down that
forgetting
potion

MTV bitches

Gonna be on M
TV
to show
the world the
life
and trial
of living with this
disease
this
disorder
of the mind
that's currently
kicking me
into high
gear
steering me
away
from schoolwork and into
a land
of watercolors
and pen sketches
where I dance
on sharpies
and fall off the
ledge
of school.